America the Beautilful

So here we are, josh has been gone  a little over 5 weeks now, well lets be real i am counting almost 6 weeks.....Just gotta make it one more week till i am in the home stretch, May will be busy (I hope) or at least i plan to make it busy with play dates and soaking in time with those I love to because i am hoping once june hits i have a SEVERE shortage of time before i move to California.  I have learned a LOT this time that josh has gone, one of which was so true from my mother who said, times like this make you realize that the orders God puts in place are there for a reason and it makes you appreciate them.  Now all of you who know me also know that I am EXTREMELY stubborn and indepentdant, i often feel like i have to do everything on my own or its failure on my part, well some of that is still true, ok MOST of that is still true...i am absolutly awful at asking for help from MOST people....i know, its a curse....Sorry...but I guess ya'll still love me cause i still have friends haha.  But one thing I do appreciate is that My family roles are where they are supposed to be.  Now the past 3 or so years have been rather tough and the traditional bread winner roles were honestly switched not out of desire out of need and God has so more than graciously provided for EVERYTHING PLUS A LOT than we needed and we are/were/and hopefully will continue to be thankful of those needs despite our lack of faith at times and our stubborn struggles, but needless to say, i was the one working multiple jobs and still craving to be just mommy and do everything on my own, Josh had his personal demons and struggles to deal with because that is not the life he wanted and hated every minute of it (don't worry he will tell you the same thing)  BUT God as always has pulled us through that and put us back in our place (as he often does :0)  however it also isn't without some trials and teaching time...(WHEN IS IT?!)  All within really a 4/5 week time period i had to quickly adjust to the idea that not only was my husband sworn in to the army but we would be hopefully selling/renting our house soon and moving...not just anywhere MONTEREY CALIFORNIA....NO lie look on a map...it is almost dead even with south carolina (plus or minus a few) and the FARTHEST place across the country we could POSSIBLY go with staying on the continental US grounds....talk about wanting an adventure...yeah....tell me about it.  Funny thing is when josh and i started dating i swore i would NEVER be a military wife....I would NEVER marry someone who would have a job like CIA or intelligence where its so secretive i can't even ask about it (which IRONICALLy was carreer path josh was on when we first met and became friends)  and I would probably always live within 30 minutes at most of my parents...yeah try 40 hours away, 2 time zones, 3 hour difference in time, a hubsand who after we have been together almost 10 years has now gone into the army in no less job than the first one that i met him wanting to do AND well....thats enough to deal with lol.  Its so funny to look back at how god TRIES to show you what he is gonna do with you but then when you say UH HUH he will say alright fine lets do this the HARD way!   He always did say ask and you shall recieve i think we are just the stubborn ones who make it harder than need be 9 times out of 10....granted most of us learn by making our own mistakes.  Funny enough for josh one of the first things he told me was he will NEVER go live in california....why i remember that, im not really sure but it stuck with me.  So the next question or statement rather that gets thrown at me is ...well the Army huh, that came out of no where didn't it.....actually no, not in the slightest.... as open as you all think i am and social and friendly and NOT shy, there are part of me and my life that i do not typically air out, the military was one of them.  Josh's dad is Retired Navy after 20+ years of service so growing up imlitary is something josh always knew, honestly it was one of the first things he ever told me was that he tried to go active duty at 18 but through a random bit of circumstances he didn't go through with it, thank goodness he didn't because not only would we both have totally different lives (IE nothing with each other cause we wouldn't have met) i would have 2 of the greatest boys in the world...(well my personal opinion is THE best lol but i am biased and do have several other sweet boys I ADORE!)  So that brings us back to College, at the time we met his actual Major was Criminal justice because he wanted to be a language specialist in the CIA or FBI or something "cool like that" i think were his words...i scoffed and said i couldn't ever marry a guy like that it would freak me out to never know what he was really doing at work!  he even said so you wouldn't even DATE me if that were the case?  i told him first off yeah like we would ever date lol and second nope i can't date someone that I have no chance in marrying......again....Irony.....about a month later he changed his major to Music Ed becuase of another series of random events which i honestly don't remember much of just the actual day he decided to change his major was pretty funny....and then my world started to change...that was also kind of an Epic day in college Through a another series of events one of which i think was even josh getting turned down by another girl (which he claims he only talked to her cause he didn't think i would date him yeah right lol (i do love you honey :0p))  I walked up in the middle of drama central with some of our other friends and He said I have a question...never mind don't hit me and then kissed me...well lets just say the rest is history....4+ years of college 5 years of marriage and 2 kids later we are where we are, In the army and he is away at BCT learning to be our own personal GI joe (as my nephew informed me he was...love you jackson :0)  Though everything i am going through isn't alwasy fun, one of my best friends asked me this weekend after i once again spilled my guts to her (sorry Alicia you get all the fun stuff lol)  she asked me knowing what i know now and after all i have told her would I got back 6 months and still say yes when he asked if he could join the army, and honeslty without skipping a beat i said Yes.  the Change i have seen in his pride, his self worth, his strength, his boldness for Christ, and his Love for us (not that he didn't love us before but its different now) is something i would suffer a 1000 times more for.  Yes its been tough, but nothing ever worth it is really easy after all is it?  someone if it comes easy you just don't really appreciate what it brings you.....So here's to the last 5 weeks of being a single mom this time (at least for a little while) and to my awesome husband who is not only making his own dreams come true but making me the proudest army wife of them all...so here i will go sporting my "eclectic variety of army wife t-shirts" as one of my patients called them lol, and i will probably succumb to the fad of the ACU purses and anything else cool that I see becuase well, i am proud, and any way i can show my pride in him is what i am going to do....just for you guys are some pictures thanks to the 3-60th River raiders page and the wonders of Facebook (yes i know boot camp has changed...no he doesn't get to talk to me on facebook but is commander posts updates in general and once a week they can post up o 25 pictures of each company to which i have been fortunate to spot josh in a few)  just to let ya'll see what he's been up to...and i can't WAIT until may 30th to tackle my husband and have my world complete again even if it is for 2 days :0)

hi ho hi ho its off to work we go

SO its been a few days since I posted, ok well a week lol, most of you are probably thinking ok her life was crazy (it still is just so you know) and she has a lot going on....ok i lied most of you are probably not even thinking about these things...but I AM!  To tell you the truth other than the fact that I miss josh TERRIBLY and May can NOT get her soon enough i am doing pretty good.  things are looking good for the house right now to probably rent it out as long as a few things finish falling into place which i am happy about, and I am doing my best to keep busy.  last week Brittany brooke (her step daughter) and Mandy (her sister) and all my crazy crew went to the zoo...ill put some pics up of that at the end...we had so much fun...noah even fed the girraffe!  he loves animals A LOT!  i wonder what he will do when he grows up!  Christian is trying to crawl...its not there yet but he sure is deteremined!  life is moving...slowly some days, average others...nothing is fast but it is moving!  i realized today that I LOVE being a stay at home mom.  i really really really do.  I feared that I would lament not having as much going on or that i wouldn't have enough to do or as many miss the adult conversation but in reality there is MORE than enough for me to do every day, especially since I pretty much have to do my best to keep my house as perfect as it can be with a 2.5 year old and an almost 8 month old just in case someone wants to see it...i sat down a fewminutes ago to write this and my first thought was i can't WAIT to get to california so that I can not get upset if i need to run an errand and my house isn't almost perfect....i mean I know that its ok if your house isn't alwasy clean on a normal day to day basis however that simply ISN"T true when trying to sell your house....and you even feel bad for doing freaking LAUNDRY!  crazy isn't it?!  i actually don't mind cleaning i don't mind dishes or laundry I don't mind taking out the trash or even vacuuming because that IS MY JOB now and I LOVE IT! i think i only used to hate those things because i had so many other things to do that they were just ONE MORE THING to do.  I am SO looking forward to being out on my many adventures with josh and my kids and making them my only priority (NExt to God that is...he is the first one....) but its such a wonderful feeling to know that I CAN do my job and do it well.  i do like cleaning because when I am done I can be proud of what my house looks like but it will be nice to relax a little and not get frusterated when noah tears apart the toy box yet AGAIN today....on the flip side its a GREAT thing that noah is a SUPER HELP!  he as so many other kids his age THRIVES on the good attention and praise.  he is hilarious....9/10 times he does things the first time i ask and as soon as he completes the task if I don't jump to it first he will come to me and say....momma proud me?  its the sweetest thing EVER and of course i LOVE to tell him that I am proud of him because he giggles and runs off and it makes my heart happy to know that I have such a sweet child.  he has such a neat little brain and a big heart.  he is now really getting into reading books and some of it is not wanting to go to bed i am sure but loves to sit and have me read....he also loves to "read back to me" too.  though its more him saying random words and sounds that he knows but its HILARIOUS!  his favorite is the Icky Sticky Frog.....soooo funny.  i will try to upload the video (my computer has been fighting me on this lately)  Christian changes every day and i just love to watch his expressions.  Sadly its taken me close to 3 years to realize the full joy of my kids...i will admit working killed that for me...i have alwasy loved my kids and loved being a nurse and i do not intend on letting that go however for the first time in years i feel like i am settled in my job or career choice.  God has always provided for me and for my family as i know he will continue to do so however its these litle realizations i thank him for.  I know he put me through some of this to make me appreciate this life that I now get to enjoy and really really really do.  my heart was screaming for this and though yes I have frusterating days when the kids won't nap or are crying or the cat is driving me nuts buy escaping the back yard and running like a fool (they are INDOOR cats)  but I love my new life....i really really do.  so now that i have bored most of you (becasue I am SHOCKED at how many times these pages have been viewed!  thanks for making me feel loved! )  i will now show you cute pictures from the zoo!  PS josh is doing well!  he is getting into the routine as he said his body is Adjusting to all th excercise...he LOVES the team building excercises and all the crazy climbing repelling hanging gun shooting ect that he gets to do.  I am so proud to now call myself an Army wife...it really is something else I have to say....i am proud of my husband and the changes that he has already made....can't wait to have him back!

Never Alone.....

Barlow Girl Never Alone

In case you haven't ever heard this song, I have pretty much adopted it as my song for right now lol.  I love Barlow girl for one but the words of the song are true for me.  i know they aren't intended to be about a person but it brings dual purpose for me.  it reminds me to draw strength when and where i should be but does remind me he is here (both of them).  here's the words in case you just wanna read them but the song is cool and has a good beat to it too. 

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

[Chorus:]
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

[Chorus]

We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen



SO this has been a busy and big week for us.  we all went to the mountain house for the weekend just to get awway and see people, hopefully this will be my last trip for a LONG time.  still working out the house IE i got nothing yet lol.  hopeing for a renter or a buyer soon. I know all the "bible" answers that God has a plan and it will happen in his timeing and yadda yadda yadda.  though all good reminders....i say them in my sleep.  sometimes we just have to smile and say GOD YOU KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR ME.....so anyways I am doing my best to try to give it to him. no its not easy.  yes i have lots of trouble with it.

Here are some cute mountain pics for those that missed them.   Noah is growing up far to fast.  i asked my mom when he grew up she said it always happens yesterday....which...is SO TRUE.  though sometimes i want to do unspeakable things....JUST KIDDING....i absolutely love the little man he is becoming.  he really is very sweet and caring with a slight devious nature i am having to monitor very closely lol.  Christian is very sweet and laidback....as long as he has the people he wants around. lol that boy is going to be trouble when he gets older...he does have to be IN THE MIDDLE and at the center of attention! it isn't enough to see us...we have to see HIM!  Noah is much more one on one that christian has to be.  both are scary smart though!  they miss their daddy a lot too.  Noah has to kiss my phone which has a picture of daddy on it and say night to him every night and every mornign and randomly throughout the day too.  its adorable.  i can not wait until this is over.  its crazy. 

Nannie had her second surgery today.  i know so many prayers were said for her and its amazing because this went so well.  no ICU, no trouble....NOTHING yet....still praying of course but by far WAAAAAAAAAY better than last time, however JOSH GOT TO CALL ME because of this!  i was stunned when the phone had his name on it!  my first htought however was panic becuase I thought something was wrong.  it didn't even dawn on me that they would let him call for this.  i didn't even know if he knew the actual date!  UGH i honestly have NEVER CRIED SO HARD IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  GOD bless the drill sergeant for letting him call me.  he even got to say goodnight to noah which i know was a blessing for ALL of us. 

Its amazing what a situation like this will do to Love.  honestly....i have completely revolutionized my view of love, marriage, relationships, and why we have so many issues these days.  I in now way believe that my marriage was in trouble or was bad in any way shape or form, but i will admit that over the last few years since everything started getting weird there have been a few things left to be desired.   I can really see (now being where I am) how so many people get into serious trouble in their relationships and how quickly it can become a big problem and why we have so many divorced couples and sad marriages.....and i know this may sound crazy....but i believe a lot of it has to do with the dawning of our instant communication age.  now i am as guilty as the next person to be a text queen...i have had many people comment on my ability to text at lightning speed, but seriously people, put the phone down.  we have so many quick forms of communication that we lost the ability to truly talk to people and communicate!  we chit chat but whens the last time you got a love letter? whens the last time someone professed to you and undying devotion....well i can say mine was today but this is what has made me realize that we are doing a disservice to our own marriages but forgetting about a simple pad and pencil.  you know they do still sell stamps....and if you don't wanna do that slip it in a lunch box, put it on the drivers seat before they leave for work or drag the kids to school/dance/the store WHEREVER....put it on the pillow next to them if you leave first....i bet you if you all adopt this letter writting again...we might have a few more marriages like those of years past from 30/40/50 years ago when they HAD to write letters GASP because phones where special...my marriage will never be the same after this and yes I know the army is different and WHATNOT (sorry this one is for josh when he finally reads this in few months lol)  but honestly letters revolutionized my marriage and i can't wait for 56 days to have a new beginning to the most wonderful man i know.

take my challenge...one letter a day for a week.  put down the phone....see what happens :0)